By Christine O’Shaughnessy, Founder of Mindful Presence
Feedback is one of the most valuable currencies in the workplace yet, many of us dread it.
When we don’t have a clear framework for giving feedback effectively or staying grounded
when receiving it, it can quietly undermine trust, collaboration, and motivation. Conversations
that should help us grow often become charged with tension, resentment, or are avoided altogether.
In organizations that value authenticity, accountability, and development, we need to approach
feedback differently: not as a performance test, but as an opportunity to build trust and mutual
understanding.
In this white paper, I’ll share a snapshot of a 90-minute leadership workshop I teach on giving
and receiving feedback. These insights will help you pause, reflect, and communicate in a way
that fosters clarity, connection, and growth, starting with your own mindset.
Why Feedback Often Fails
When feedback goes off course, it’s rarely because people have bad intentions. More often, we
don’t have the tools or the self-awareness to navigate the emotional layers involved.
- Giving feedback can feel risky. We worry about how it will land, or whether we’re even
the right person to say it.
- Receiving feedback can feel like a threat, even when it’s well-meaning. It can stir up
shame, defensiveness, or self-doubt.
Without clarity, we react rather than respond. We pull back, become overly critical, or start
avoiding sensitive topics. The result? Performance suffers, team dynamics fray, and honest
communication becomes increasingly difficult over time. Dissatisfaction with work may occur.
Workshop Themes and Framework
This workshop is divided into two core skill sets:
- Giving feedback intentionally
- Receiving feedback skillfully.
Both require emotional regulation, perspective-taking, and a deeper understanding of our
habitual responses. Here’s how we build those skills:
1. Giving Feedback: Leading with Intention, Not Ego
Before offering feedback, we start by asking:
Am I the right person to give this feedback?
Is this the right timing?
Is this person mentally and emotionally ready to receive it?
This question disrupts the impulse to speak reactively and invites us to pause. We explore:
- The core intention behind the feedback is to consider whether we are trying to
support the work, the individual, or merely to prove a point and be right. - Timing and relevance. Does this feedback serve the person, the project, or our shared
goals? - Clarity and compassion. Have we taken a moment to reflect so that what we say can
be communicated with kindness and received constructively? - Shared Human Experience: Reflect before giving feedback: “if I were the one
receiving this feedback, how would I respond? Has trust been established?”
One of the key exercises in this section asks leaders to reflect on a past situation where the
feedback they provided was misinterpreted or didn’t resonate well. They analyze:
- What was going on for them at the time?
- What emotional undercurrents were present?
- How could they approach it differently next time?
- Are they taking the time to become more self-aware?
This reflection allows us to see the entire communication landscape, not just our own
perspective. The goal is not to get it “perfect,” but to become more intentional so the feedback
truly serves its purpose.
“The goal of giving feedback is to cultivate understanding. If you’re doing it to be right, to
control, or to blame pause and go deeper into your intention.”
2. Receiving Feedback: Staying Grounded When You Feel Exposed
Receiving feedback can surface all kinds of internal reactions:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “They don’t see how hard I’m trying.”
- “This isn’t fair.”
- “They don’t understand me”
We look at these responses not as flaws, but as habit patterns. We examine:
- How these patterns were shaped (from early roles, past managers, culture, etc.)
- How they influence our capacity to hear and process feedback
- How we might be misinterpreting what’s actually being said
Through mindfulness practices, we learn to pause and regulate ourselves before reacting.
Instead of shutting down or becoming defensive, we explore what it feels like to remain curious, even when the feedback is tough to hear. This ability is cultivated through daily reflective
practices that promote stillness and allow us to witness the habitual nature of the mind.
We also ask:
What parts of this feedback are useful?
What’s my responsibility here?
What do I want to understand more clearly?
In doing so, we create space to respond wisely without sacrificing self-worth.
Feedback as a Leadership Practice
Feedback is more than just a tool; it’s a leadership practice grounded in trust, emotional
intelligence, and courage. And, let’s be honest, it takes training and a dedicated commitment to
understanding yourself first.
When we communicate feedback effectively, we build stronger teams. We create psychological
safety. We support one another’s growth. And we demonstrate what it means to be both honest
and human in our work.
Whether you’re managing others at work, home, in education, or navigating peer relationships,
the way you give and receive feedback matters every day.
Final Thought
You don’t need to be perfect at feedback. You just need to be present.
The more awareness you bring to your intention, your language, and your emotional response,
the more powerful your communication becomes. That’s the heart of leadership, not just
knowing what to say, but knowing how to say it in a way that is kind and builds trust.
If your team struggles with feedback or could benefit from deeper conversations about
communication, I’d love to discuss how this workshop can support your culture.
Let’s start there. One honest conversation at a time.
“The Unclench” Newsletter Coming Soon!
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For more mindful leadership content, buy my book Mindful Presence in Leadership: Releasing Burnout, Chaos, and Stress: Mindful Presence in Leadership: Releasing Burnout, Chaos, and Stress
